Stay at Home Struggle

In the recent weeks, I have been a stay at home Mom. It's been pretty hard for me. Last fall semester, I had one of the best jobs I could imagine. I was teaching 3 half-days a week - mainly academic writing skills to immigrants and refugees who were starting their collegiate paths at Monroe County's Community College. It was devastating to me when the class didn't fill for spring semester. I tried to make it work, tutoring for their academic services part-time, but the hourly pay made it hard justify keeping our son James in daycare.

It's kind of ironic, I hadn't wanted to put James into daycare to begin with - I had hoped to find an evening or weekend program to teach for so that we wouldn't have to incur daycare expenses. But when the opportunity to teach the fall semester class came up, I couldn't turn it down. As it turned out, James LOVED daycare. So, when the class didn't run this spring, I was disappointed on two levels. Not only did I loose my dream job, but I was so sad to take James out of the class he loved.

So, I had to make the decision to take James out of daycare and quit work. We took advantage of the "time off" and visited my parents in Arizona for a spell, but since then we've been at home and I've been trying to keep James busy, happy and socialized, all those things he was getting at daycare. In Rochester, we are lucky to have the Strong Museum of Play, where James and I visit every week at least. I have also joined "Mommy Groups" and attend story time events at libraries, etc. While I do love spending time with my son, now 15 months old, I really miss working. Of course, being in my 3rd trimester with the baby girl doesn't help my energy level, trying to keep up with a very spirited little guy.

I meet several other moms who are so happy to have the privilege to be able to stay at home and spend time with their babies. I feel lucky too, but it's not so much that we can "afford" for me to stay home, but that it just didn't make sense to break even paying for daycare, especially with the upcoming cost of paying for two. As a teacher, we would have to pay for all of the breaks, including summer, in order to hold James' spot in daycare, even when I'm not getting paid to teach. So while I do love spending time with James, I really miss spending time at work also.

When people talk about the work-home balance, I feel like my life isn't balanced because work is missing. I will blog more about childcare options in the future, but wanted to briefly mention the options that we are looking at moving forward. I plan on being home until we move. I do have a part-time grading gig that I do from home a couple evenings and weekends. After we move, I do hope to find a job that has evening or weekend hours, which is feasible teaching working adults. However, I am open to a more 9-5 position and daycare arrangements. Since quality traditional daycare is so expensive in the US, we will likely arrange for an au pair, which is actually more affordable than paying for two children's daycare. Abroad, I understand that many places quality childcare is more available and affordable, but not everywhere. It really depends on where we land. This will be a big piece of the research when we look at opportunities various places around the world.