Au Pair

If we are not able to swing relocation abroad, this is one of the options to "globalize" our home stateside. I found it difficult to afford quality for daycare with just one child, but realize I am one of those moms who will basically go bonkers at home. Like most families, we need to find a quality childcare solution that I can cover with my salary, none of this paying to work business. Under the same J-1 visa program that handles the high school exchange programs I deal with (http://www.ciee.org/highschool/host-families/benefits.html) they also handle Au Pair visas.

What is an Au Pair?

An au pair is basically a foreigner, usually a young woman on a gap year these days, who comes to live with a host family and helps them domestically, mainly childcare. When I was in Europe where many people take gap year, a lot of my classmates had either done this in England or France, or were considering doing so before going to college. 

I will publish a separate comparison of the nitty gritty financials, but we've found the total cost of an Au Pair comes in lower than a M-F daycare for 2+ kids. For those with larger families, Au Pairs are especially nice on the pocket book, there aren't extra fees for additional kids. In general, there is a fee for the program who sponsors the Au Pairs visas and monitors them while they are here, recruits them, finds families, etc, and the family is also responsible for room and board, a weekly stipend, an educational stipend, and any extra expenses to make them feel like part of the family (i.e. don't all go out to dinner/movie then make them cover their own meal and ticket.)

So financially, it adds up to look a bit insane. However, so did daycare! Welcome to parenthood, I guess. And we live in just a medium city with very reasonable rates. Oh, how I envy those with grandma and grandpa down the road who are more than happy to watch the kids for free...

It goes without saying that the benefits of Au Pairs are not only financial, but you and your kids get to learn a lot about another corner of the world. We know how fast little ones pick things up, so I would love to find the right person through the right program.

How to find the right program?

The US Department of State currently recognizes 14 programs who sponsor Au Pair visas in the US. I simply went to the website and contacted all 14 of them. The feedback was very insightful. I gave the same information to each company and got many different responses. Some agencies only operate in certain parts of the country. Others were willing to operate here, but needed to find/train local representatives to have two supervisors nearby, which is very doable, just like high school exchanges.

This is the link to the designated Au Pair sponsors:
http://j1visa.state.gov/participants/how-to-apply/sponsor-search/?program=Au%20Pair&state=any

Here is a template of an inquiry like the one I sent. (Phone numbers and websites are also provided.)

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Subject: Potential New Family

Hello,

 

I am looking into hosting an Au Pair and found your organization listed on the State Department website. I'm looking for basic information such as costs and what services your organization provides. I've looked over your website for general information, but would like to get specifics and meet with someone from your organization before moving forward. 

We would be interested in hosting later this winter when our children will be 2 years and 6 months.

 

Thanks for your time and help,

 

Jamie 

(Full Address) 

***

Some organizations didn't respond at all, some sent materials that made it clear they hadn't ready my two short paragraphs, and some were wonderful, personal responses which indicate to me that they are doing their jobs well.

Prompt, personal feedback is important. This organization will be responsible for screening your family as well as the person who will be helping watch after your children. They will provide support (logistics like arrival and departures, training) but very importantly will be your support if there are issues throughout the year. 

• What if you and your au pair just aren't a good match? 
• What if your au pair has a travel question and wants to know about his/her visa rules? 
• What if there are some cultural issues you want to know how to approach?

 The following were my top picks and I likely be choosing one of these organizations should we end up staying in the US:

• Expert AuPair
• A.P.E.X. Pro Au Pair
• Au Pair Foundation
• The International Au Pair Exchange

Stay at Home Struggle

In the recent weeks, I have been a stay at home Mom. It's been pretty hard for me. Last fall semester, I had one of the best jobs I could imagine. I was teaching 3 half-days a week - mainly academic writing skills to immigrants and refugees who were starting their collegiate paths at Monroe County's Community College. It was devastating to me when the class didn't fill for spring semester. I tried to make it work, tutoring for their academic services part-time, but the hourly pay made it hard justify keeping our son James in daycare.

It's kind of ironic, I hadn't wanted to put James into daycare to begin with - I had hoped to find an evening or weekend program to teach for so that we wouldn't have to incur daycare expenses. But when the opportunity to teach the fall semester class came up, I couldn't turn it down. As it turned out, James LOVED daycare. So, when the class didn't run this spring, I was disappointed on two levels. Not only did I loose my dream job, but I was so sad to take James out of the class he loved.

So, I had to make the decision to take James out of daycare and quit work. We took advantage of the "time off" and visited my parents in Arizona for a spell, but since then we've been at home and I've been trying to keep James busy, happy and socialized, all those things he was getting at daycare. In Rochester, we are lucky to have the Strong Museum of Play, where James and I visit every week at least. I have also joined "Mommy Groups" and attend story time events at libraries, etc. While I do love spending time with my son, now 15 months old, I really miss working. Of course, being in my 3rd trimester with the baby girl doesn't help my energy level, trying to keep up with a very spirited little guy.

I meet several other moms who are so happy to have the privilege to be able to stay at home and spend time with their babies. I feel lucky too, but it's not so much that we can "afford" for me to stay home, but that it just didn't make sense to break even paying for daycare, especially with the upcoming cost of paying for two. As a teacher, we would have to pay for all of the breaks, including summer, in order to hold James' spot in daycare, even when I'm not getting paid to teach. So while I do love spending time with James, I really miss spending time at work also.

When people talk about the work-home balance, I feel like my life isn't balanced because work is missing. I will blog more about childcare options in the future, but wanted to briefly mention the options that we are looking at moving forward. I plan on being home until we move. I do have a part-time grading gig that I do from home a couple evenings and weekends. After we move, I do hope to find a job that has evening or weekend hours, which is feasible teaching working adults. However, I am open to a more 9-5 position and daycare arrangements. Since quality traditional daycare is so expensive in the US, we will likely arrange for an au pair, which is actually more affordable than paying for two children's daycare. Abroad, I understand that many places quality childcare is more available and affordable, but not everywhere. It really depends on where we land. This will be a big piece of the research when we look at opportunities various places around the world.